It's pretty rare that I get bad days. And when I do, it feels so heavy on my shoulders. Makes me feel physically tired. It makes me overthinking like crazy, probably even longer than when I overthink for other reasons. That gets mentally exhausted. And all that ends with me just feeling sad. I try to cry it out, but with little to no privacy, I'm forced to bottle up my emotions, making me feel emotionally drained.
My emotional state can at times overpower me, and I react to my surroundings based on my mood when I'm at that state. Most of the time I come across as rude. I feel mostly frustration for the smallest things, but I really want to just rest and lay down. Someone to vent to at least, but instead I'm just documenting how I'm feeling.
I need to work more on my emotions. It's so hard to control them, wether I'm excited or upset. But feels like when I'm upset, I tend to lose control since I rarely get upset. I don't have the experience when it comes to being upset. So if I ever come across as rude to you, I really apologize. It's not you, it's me... Mostly my emotions. But it's still no excuse of me, and I'll be better next time. Just please bare with me when I'm feeling like I'm gonna burst into tears. Just hear me cry, even if you can't say much to my situation, your company is what I want right now.
But I'm just here alone, trying to cry silently and not wake anyone up. I pray to God that things will get better soon. And for me to grow with this XP. Hugging a body pillow isn't enough.
