I saw this old writing I had in my Google Drive from 8-28-19.
So it has been nine months since my last heartbreak. It was really though, and hard to accept. Felt like my world was ending. No point of trying again. Throughout time, I've healed. I prayed to God for guidance and showed me many things. I've learned so many things about myself. And most importantly, I'm still here with a small glimpse of hope. I shouldn't give up looking for my princess. People make it look easy. For me however, it's hard as hell. I have no idea how, but that's just how it works for me. But God said not to be scared. It's hard to not be scared when I see the storm raging around me. That storm almost knocked me out. I have learned how to deal with it somewhat. Now I have no options left for me. I don't know if I should keep trying, or just wait. I still have a lot more stuffs that I wonder. For now, I'm alive and learned new things.
So now I wanna add an update to that old entry:
Update on 9-29-23
It's been better I guess but life still sucks, lmao.
No idea that my heartbreak will be even worse after the first time. But it was my own fault this time. I knew it wasn't gonna happen, but I was stubborn and refused to let go what it was essentially a dead dream. I really wanted it to work, but guess God had other plans.
I can't blame her this time, it was all my fault. I did that idiotic move, and paid the price for it. I deserve that punishment. But at the same time, I shouldn't be harsh on myself for making that mistake. I let my emotions take over. My logical side warned me about it, and even other people too, but I ignored them all. Now I fully regret it and wish I can take back my wasted time, effort, tears, etc. But again, it was all my decision. Man, I am stupid.
I'm just emotinally exhausted. I should rest instead. uwu
