The idea of the perfect anything. Computer, phone, home, car, or even job. But those things are temporary as those things can change with more technology available, or you may have found more interests in other things. But what about in a person? Can that stay the same? Our idea of perfect changes all the time on objects, but so it does in a person? I thought the ideal person may not change much. You most likely gonna be with that person for a good chunk of your life, so you gotta be sure if that's the person you really want, huh? How naive I was. To my disappointment, the idea of a "perfect" person can also change overtime.
I guess I can say that my "ideal" partner changes all the time too, but more like it keeps adding of what I want in a lifetime partner rather than replacing it with some things, or something along the lines. After experience with some people, I just add more things that I want, change some characteristics and done. Feels like I'm asking for too much, but then get told that what I want is actually the bare minimum. Can you really blame me for having very little experience? But my ideal partner doesn't change as much as I would like to think, more like it's just little things I don't want to repeat again.
But what about myself? I don't think I'm the "ideal" person at all. Like I've previously explored on my Compliments entry, those nice things they say to me weren't meant to be at the end of the day. Because they see more things on other that I don't have. For one, the looks. I'm not the greatest looking person at all, hence why others rather for them because I'm not like them. Height is definitely a big factor. I'm very short compared to many people that I know, even younger than me are taller. Personality is something that I have, but not exactly what they want despite the "compliments" and the pretend shock of why I'm still single. And finally, strength. I'm not the strongest person at all, and can't even win in a fight. Speaking of that...
One thing I finally had an advantage on: not wanting to fight! I vividly remember that I was surprised to know a girl can want a guy that don't wanna fight. She gave me a celebratory hug. I really hate fighting and I wanna avoid that at all cost. Anyways, one night, that girl got into an argument with some random dude on Omegle. He then started to insult her. What did I do? Nothing. Why? Like I said before, I hated to fight, and that include arguments. That must've made her upset and started to change her opinion on what the ideal person is. Of course I felt bad afterwards, but what can I do? I screwed up big time.
Ever since, she has been giving me reasons try to fight with people. The fact that I kept avoiding them, or at least find safe alternates, must've given her more reasons to reconsider that wish. Until that fateful day, me not wanting to fight was one of many reasons she left me. I knew I wasn't strong, or can handle a fight. Moments before the breakup, we wanted to work out at the gym, but that never came to fruition. So I started to work out on my own. I had help from a friend, but I decided to go on my own at my own pace because his pace was too crazy and obsessed.
Been working out for almost half a year, and I've gotten stronger, look sorta bigger, and definitely less fat. My motivation? The moments I just explained. It might not be for her anymore as I originally hoped, but now, I'm doing it for myself for once. Maybe I'll be ready for my next partner, if that will ever happen.
The idea of perfect does indeed change because of our mistakes, experiences, and many other things. I know I should be too hard on myself, but I can't avoid it. It was truly all my fault, and I can't fix it. So I use it as a reminder what not to do again, and be prepared for another heartbreak if that happens again. I know I'll never be perfect. And will never be. Reasons like this is why I don't think I'm the "ideal" person. How can I get my ideal person if I'm not ideal myself. Just a thought that most likely won't ever get an answer to. All I can do is pray to God, and continue what I'm doing.
