As much as I want to be wanted, it feels like I'm very undesirable for many reasons. Of course nobody is perfect and won't ever be, but I feel like I have so many flaws, done so many bad things, hurt people for my benefits, and more.
First of all, I'm very inexperienced in almost everything. I'm not a very knowledgeable person about repairing cars, or how to do a "hard work". I'm not exactly a very social person, so I tend to stay away from people or not to be in chaotic environments most people of my age go to. My ex literally said I treated our relationship like a high schooler. Excuse me for being inexperienced.
I've done my fair share of mistakes, like not standing up for others, or defending as much as I should. I tend to be a coward on situations and rather avoid the problem. And probably many more mistakes that I've unknowingly did.
The worst thing I've done though is that I hurt people I care for my own benefits. It's very selfish of me and really deserve the worst. To this day I feel awful, and no matter what I do, even if I apologize, nothing will change and will always be... An asshole. Especially since I'm religious, but doing things that contradicts what is believe? Yep, I do. And I'm an asshole for it. Why? Because I wanted things better for me, but I did all that knowing that I'll be hurting people I care and have respect for. If you are reading this, I am truly sorry, and can really forgive me. You may lose respect for me, but that's understandable.
Because of all that, I really do deserve all bad things that can happen in life. I can see why nobody wants to desire me. I'm really that undesirable.
