That one shot everyone gets. Wether it's good or bad, it's a choice we have to make in life. That choice can make or break your life. It's a scary thought, but exciting at the same time, hoping for the best if your decision was correct. And if you made the wrong choice, it's not a reason to give up. But what if... What if you didn't have control of the outcome? Will that be fair? Will that leave you broken? Confused even? That's what I wonder.
It's been years since I had THE opportunity to be with the girl of my dreams. It's not that I'm not over her. I'm not over the fact that an opportunity to be in a relationship with the girl of my dreams was taken away, and I had no control of it. (So am I really over her?) I missed an opportunity that I will never have in my life ever again. A once in a lifetime opportunity, gone to waste. It could've been the perfect relationship. Exactly how I dreamed of for years. I couldn't have a say to it. I was forced to see it go away in front of me. With no way to fight, I stood there, defeated. Everything came down crashing and burning.
The last relationship turned out to be a huge lie, and months of torture without me even realizing. It made me thought of that opportunity once more. Will I ever get another opportunity? Doesn't have to be with her, but with someone else. But there was literally no one like her. It goes back with the thought of it being the ONLY opportunity ever. No second chances. No reboot. One and done deal. If that's really it, then I won't ever be satisfied if I ever be in another relationship. I don't wanna hurt the next girl in my life, so it's really better to stay alone for a long, long time. It's the best for me and the next girl. She doesn't have to deal with my emotions that are a wreck right now.
So now I deal with these thoughts. It's been affecting me a lot more than I thought. It's hurting my game skills. I'm bad at games I was once good at. With all that in mind, I don't know how long I have to deal with them. I just know they're gonna be with me for years to come. I know, ridiculous of me, but that's just how I deal with my emotions. Don't like to bring attention...
Attention... I hate it.
