Wanting something so badly, is something I go through many times. Wanting to play a new game that's not out yet, or craving a food that you eanna try out, or eat again for the first time in a while. But one thing I'm desiring more at the moment is... A romantic relationship. Now I know you might be saying, "Bruh, already!? But you just got out of one!" And to that, I say, yes. Already. Crazy, huh? Is it something bad? I don't know. You be the judge of that. Open for audience interpretation.
As much I really want one right now, (and crazy that so soon) my desires right now is... a distraction. A distraction from what God has to say to me. And it's been something I've been avoiding because I want to escape the harsh reality. Reality sucks monkey butt, so I tend to be more future oriented, and to analyze the past. Hardly focused on the present. And it was a trait since childhood. Family always telling me I live in my own world. And I do. A world that I created specifically desined for my own needs and desires. But you know what? It's foolish of me. And it's amazing how God works things out.
I was given an opportunity to become friends again with an old high school classmate. We cought up in life and understood each other again like old times. I find it amazing that we get what we need to hear from people we least expected. In my case, through that renewed friend. God will use anyone to get his point across. And I believe he used that friend to deliver me a message. It was harsh, I'll admit that. But I'm greatful because I wouldn't have this realization. I'm still mind blown by it, but I can worry less now.
I am so worried about a thing I don't have and desire and ignoring what I have right now. I am so foolish not to see that. And I need to really trust God in this. Jeremiah 29:11 states, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." That's something I also desire. A hopeful future. A promise that may not happen overnight, but in due time. I've waited quite long enough, so I know for a fact I have patience (for the most part) but what I need more is strength to maintain that patience and to refine it. I worry about an event that most likely won't happen, so I'm wasting my time instaed of focusing on the present right now. In other words, I'm distracted. Distracted from my future that God has ready for me.
As much as it pains me to change this habbit of mine, (and I hate changes in general) but if it's God telling me to do so, then I'll do it. It's painful, hard, and takes a lot of guts. But in the end, it'll be worth it. How do I know? I have faith. Faith is something you don't see, but you hope it'll happen. And I hope that I'll be in a good future one day. But for now, I should appreciate things that I have right now. Family, friends, work, lots of video games to play. And most importantly, God and his promises. Like I said, it may not happen overnight, but I know it'll come to past. I just know! No matter how rough the road is, He's with me in every step I take.
