"the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way."
That's the definition from a Google search. And ever since I lost those reasons, my performance in stuff that I used to be good at has decreased. I'm no longer as good as I used to be. Especially in Smash where I would win, or when I lost, I would actually learn from my mistakes. But for some reason, I just can't win and learn from my mistakes when losing. I've lost... Motivation.
I feel so emotionally drained, and empty overall. No reason to keep continuing to get better. I remember so vividly that when my past significant other will cheer me on and root for me in battles, I could feel the emotions, and thus making me better in the fight. Wether I win or lose, the fact that I got support from someone I cared meant a lot to me and encouraged me to be better!... Now that's all gone, I got nothing. No support, no "good job" or "you'll get him next time". Anything, but no... I'm on my own. Just me.
Oh, how empty it feels. Never thought this feeling would greatly affect my performance in my Smash career. Losing and losing, not winning any matches, makes me feel like I'm just gonna suck for the rest of my life. For a small portion, a former pupil of mine once cheered for me. That alone made some impact on my performance, but my pupil had to leave for classified reasons. The pupil's departure once again affected me. And back go square one.
What happened to my self motivation I used to have? Why did I have to become dependent on others? Am I being unhealthy? I just want some affection... And love... Someone to care about me and take care of me. But one can't always have what they want.
